A few days ago I was having a conversation with a woman who’s really wanting to learn how to be a true slut. We were kind of bantering back and forth about what she needs to do to achieve that. I explained to her that one of the most critical determinants as to how slutty she was going to be perceived was whether or not she was good in bed – whether or not she was a “good fuck.” Her legitimate question to me at that point was, what exactly constitutes a “good fuck?”
I have to admit that, even with all of the experience I’d had and all of the writing I’d done on the subject, I’d never addressed that specific question in any meaningful way; it’s something I’ve just never had the need to quantify. I’ve asked things like what makes someone good in bed. That’s a similar question, but just not the same thing at all.
I asked a few friends (male and female) what they thought on the subject. The vast majority of them indicated that enthusiasm was perhaps the single greatest determinant of who is or isn’t a good fuck. I echo that sentiment. I think there’s a bit more to it, though.
Some have suggested that technical skills contribute, and I agree with that as well, again, to a point. Even if you can swallow a 9-inch cock, for example, , if you just lie there or go down on it without any verve and excitement – like you don’t really enjoy mouth fucking that cock – it’s not going to do anything for the guy at all in most cases (especially those with any significant experience). He’s not going to walk away thinking to himself, “Holy shit, that slut knows how to suck a cock.”
Conversely, you can be less proficient technically and exude a lot of enthusiasm and it will still “work” for the person you’re with in many cases. This has been my experience with several of the women I’ve been with. They may not have been the best at eating pussy (for many it was their first time up close and personal with another woman’s cunt), but the fact that they dove right in and did it with enthusiasm was as much a turn on for me as whether or not they were hitting the right spots with each lash of the tongue. They were open to me explaining to them how I like to be eaten, attempted to learn from it, and modified their techniques in response to my hints.
I have a firm belief that some people were born to fuck – people who just seem to enjoy being sexual with another human being at their very core, so much so that it seems as if they live to fuck. It doesn’t matter how they are when they’re away from the bed, but when they’re sexing someone, they just let it all hang out – unconstrained, unbridled, enthusiastic fucking, willing to push their limits, and with a recognition that it takes a spirited exchange of both (or all) people involved in the sex to make it work. They seem to feed off of their partner’s sexual response to them. If you’ve ever fucked someone like this, you know exactly what I am talking about. These are the true sluts.
I’m not yet sure if this is something that can be learned, or if it is something you’re literally born with. “Nature or nurture” in a somewhat different context than we’re used to seeing it, you might say. I think for some people nurture, or more accurately the lack thereof, plays a big role. This is especially true of girls, many of whom grow up indoctrinated (by parents, their church, and even the shitty excuse we have for sex education these days) to believe that sex is this bad, dirty, disgusting thing to do, and they are never able to grow out of that mindset. So they never get to the point where they’re comfortable allowing themselves to be unconstrained in bed (despite the assertion by many of the abstinence-only sex educators that, once they get married, they magically become glorious sexual beings and will go on to live sexually happy ever after ! :rollseyes: .
Interestingly, some girls do manage to embrace their inner slut, though, either as they grow through adolescence or in their early 20s and become transformed into, well, good fucks. I know one girl who, at 16, was looking at model casting calls for one of the most hardcore kink websites in the country. Had I known that she was looking at that site at that age, it would not surprise me today that she is exxxcellent in bed (and I’ve heard from mutual acquaintances she’s a freak in the sack). I know through conversations with other women that, like me, once they get a taste of sex, almost invariably in their middle to late teens, they literally crave it from that point forward. Those girls are the ones who, almost universally, will grow up to become good fucks. So, to me, these things hint at some sort of ingrained drive to be sexual for at least some subset of people.
The men have to overcome a few issues as well in many cases. Guys don’t have to deal with the kind of shaming that takes place with girls when it comes to sex as they grow through adolescence. They do, however, have something else that interferes with their sexual development, and that is porn. Given the aforementioned shitty state of sex ed in this country especially, most guys learn how to fuck from watching porn, and we all know that the vast majority of porn isn’t remotely concerned with showing a mutual chemistry between the two (or more) people having sex. If you use porn as your source for sex education, you learn that all there is to fucking a woman is grabbing her head and shoving your cock into her face, or shoving your cock into her ass without any lube. If you take your cues from that sort of thing, you’re going to have some problems becoming a good fuck.
Can you become a good fuck? I do think it is possible for some people who weren’t born to fuck. If you have a strong desire to learn and to develop the skills and the mindset it takes to engage with another human being on such an intimate level with confidence, I think it is very possible for someone to go from being an almost non-participant to being someone that other people look forward to doing.
So here are some ideas that might help you become a good fuck.
Learn the technical skills of fucking. And I don’t mean from porn, at least not exclusively. It’s okay to see something in porn and want to emulate it, but learn how to do it the right way and not the way it’s shown in a porno. Throat fucking is a good example of that. There are plenty of other places on the interwebs these days that teach you how to improve your sexual techniques. Search for them; use them; learn from them.
A woman who can take an entire cock into her throat scores extra points from the get-go, but you have to learn how to do it. If your guy tries to shove a 8-inch dick down your throat without you learning how to take it, though, you’re going to throw up on it (and the bed, floor, etc.), it will hurt, it could injure you, and you’ll never want to do it again. It is quite possible to train your gag reflex if you have one, learn how to open up your throat, learn how to control your breathing, and allow a guy to insert a 8-inch cock balls deep into your face, however.
And guys, it is quite possible to learn to use your cock to stimulate your partner rather than just using it as a battering ram. It’s possible to make a woman cum from fucking her in the ass if you know what you’re doing, for example. Just sticking it in and slam fucking her butt like a chihuahua on speed doesn’t make you a good fuck, just as an FYI. Nina Hartley and others have instructional videos out on how to ass fuck a woman. Buy or rent them, watch them, and learn from them.
Keep in mind also that technical skills include not only the physical but the psychological as well. The art of arousing a partner goes a long way toward making the sex hot and memorable. Knowing how to tease, knowing how to use dirty language appropriately, and knowing when to go from suggestion to action are the hallmarks of someone who is skilled in the art of fucking. Playful sexual banter over the course of an entire day, followed by a session of unconstrained sex will be just as memorable to your partner as an hour of intensely physical sex without the precedent playfulness, trust me. If you can get over your fear of saying nasty things to someone, you’ll be surprised at the reaction it can elicit.
Understand that you have to have a two-way interaction with your partner(s) and work to achieve that, even with a one-night stand. You have to be attuned to what your partner wants and how s/he’s reacting to what you’re doing, and be able to make adjustments on the fly. Listen to the breathing, the moaning, the groaning, feel the body reactions, etc., to get a sense of how you’re doing and change things up if something isn’t quite working as well as you think it should.
You have to want to be there; want to be sexual; want to be fucking (and there is a difference between wanting to be fucking and wanting to be sexual). This will be the biggest impediment to most people. Doing this requires sexual self confidence, which takes good self esteem, and it takes time to develop all of that, especially if you don’t perceive yourself as having as good a body as you think someone else wants to see or if you lack confidence in your sexual skills.
Develop and embrace the desire to explore your sexual boundaries and those of your partner(s). If all you want to do is go down on your partner for a couple of minutes, then go to missionary or doggy sex until you cum and be done with it, you’re not going to be seen as a good fuck by most people. Try new things, new positions, new places, new ways of doing old things, new toys, etc. There’s an old adage that says, “variety is the spice of life.” Well, variety is definitely the spice of a good sex life.
So, to summarize, enthusiasm, chemistry, attitude, and knowledge are the most important keys to being a good fuck. If you want to be a true slut, this is a critical set of points to keep in mind. If you go to bed with someone, and you just lie there or provide a non-enthusiastic sexual encounter, you’re not going to get many repeat performances. In fact, you may have people drive others away by telling folks that you suck (in a bad way).
If you can go in, set your partner at ease from the outset, convince him/her that you know what you’re doing, that you enjoy being there, that you enjoy fucking someone, and make the encounter a two-way, mutually beneficial session, that person is going to walk (or stagger!) out of there thinking you were one of the best fucks s/he’s ever had. You have to understand that and know how to do it to be a good at being a slut. The best sluts are the ones who are gregarious and able to generate a chemistry with their partners. If you can put your partner at ease, establish some mutual feel good and translate that into sexual chemistry, s/he’ll will be much more aroused and much more responsive, trust me.
As I alluded to above, and as one of my Twitter followers stated (paraphrased), it’s not what’s between your legs that matters, it’s what’s between your ears. Indeed.
So how can you go about implementing this; how do you go about making yourself a good fuck? Well, just as with any other skill, there’s only way to do it. Practice. 😉