A few years ago, in a short story I penned, I wrote a couple of paragraphs about being slapped in the face during sex. It got quite a robust reaction and many comments, some good, some not so good. I had several readers contact me about their experiences, as well as those who have developed an interest in it (almost exclusively women, by the way). Some of these people asked for advice on how to get started with this particular act, so this “how to” article is the result of that.
Few things will refocus your attention and/or force you into a submissive posture as being slapped in the face during a sex session. That’s one of its biggest selling points, in fact. For others, the sting and the afterglow of the slap help boost their sensory experience. And for some, the endorphin rush from the impact pain adds to the sexual high they’re experiencing. Regardless of your reasoning, however, there’s nothing wrong with you for wanting to explore the possibilities, despite what others might say. People have a variety of reactions when they try this – some negative, some positive. Many people are quite surprised at how they react, though.
Rather than me simply pointing out the obvious, however, let me share some quotes from folks posting in a couple of forums I’ve been in about their feelings with respect to being slapped when they’re fucking:
I love the raw power and fierce dominance that comes from a [guy] slapping my face repeatedly. It drops me quickly into a deep subspace that’s otherwise sometimes difficult to get to. Very edgy and very real.
My first love introduced me to face slapping. We were screwing, face to face at that point, and he asked me if he could slap my face. I didn’t even know what a submissive was at that point, or that I was indeed one. But I found out when a powerful erotic feeling flooded my whole body when he slapped my face, it was electrifying. There is indeed something very erotic embedded in the humiliation of a slap in the face while your man is fucking you.
I love that it’s so intimate: literally face-to-face. There’s always eye contact. When I’m dishing it out, I feel powerful and I know he feels humiliated. When I’m receiving, it’s always a surprise and I always feel dirty somehow. I love it both ways.
Nothing so immediately centers me, gives me focus, and reminds me of my role as a submissive as having my face slapped by my dominant. Face slapping is still new to me, and I think the thrill of receiving such focused attention from him via such a typically “forbidden” means is what resonates with me.
I find that when I am having extreme pleasure to slap my face or anywhere on my body makes me have an orgasm that I cant even describe.
But oh, that stinging sensation; there is nothing like it. I will immediately back down or comply with what is being asked of me. It’s such a shock to the system that you immediately slink back into your skin, slightly ashamed of having stepped over the line yet horribly aroused by the disciplinary blow to your cheek.
Now, by including all of those quotes I’m not trying to get you to want to try it or make you think it’s all warm and fuzzy and you’ll love it and all of that. The point is that many people do get some arousal and enjoyment out of it, and I want you to understand that you’re not weird or abnormal for wanting to play with it if you do. Ultimately, you’re the one who has to make the final decision about whether or not you’re ready to give it a shot.
So, if you think this is something you might like to explore a bit, let me give you some pointers and a couple of ideas about how to go about it safely, not only from the physical aspect, but the emotional as well. (This article is going to assume a male dominant, female submissive sex play construct. Obviously, any combination of genders is possible)
Before You Get Started!
First and foremost, you need to discuss the subject with your partner. Be prepared for a reaction of shock from him if this isn’t something you’ve brought up before. To many people, the concept of being hit in the face for any reason, let alone a (presumably positive) sexual encounter is an anathema to begin with, so you shouldn’t be surprised if your partner is initially put off by the idea.
What I’ve found is that a huge number of women have an interest in this sort of thing, but the guys are, not surprisingly, hesitant to engage in slapping their partner. This is consistent with the way we’re raised in this culture – a real man just doesn’t slap a woman. So it’s liable to be a surprise to your partner if you (as a female) bring it up. The guys are going to be even more hesitant to bring it up, in many cases, because they assume they’ll likely catch a lot of flack for wanting to hit their partners.
Perhaps the best way to put the idea in front of a partner is to find some porn with the act in it. When a scene plays that involves the slapping of the submissive partner, you can remark about how hot it makes you or something to that effect. If you don’t watch porn with your partner, you can either make some comment about having seen it in porn, or having read about it somewhere (perhaps even here 😛 ). The idea is to get it in front of your partner in such a manner as to convey the fact that this isn’t something you just dreamed up on your own – it is something many people experiment with during sex these days, and that you have some interest in exploring it yourself.
So once you get it out there and announce that you’d like to play with it, what do you discuss? Here are some points to consider:
- Ground rules: When is it okay to try it? Under what conditions, and when during the sex? Does he need to tell you before he does it, or just surprise you with it? Each option has its advantages and disadvantages. Agree that slapping play should be limited to sex (rough sex) only – no slapping outside a sexual context, and no slapping during “love making” (if you do that sort of thing). Some people seem to believe that playing with this during sex will inevitably lead to an abusive relationship, and you want to ensure that possibility never presents itself. If it ever occurs outside the boundaries you set for how it should be used, all such activity should be stopped. This is not about abuse.
- Safe words: I *always* use safe words for rough sex, including slapping. I have a warning word (“yellow”) and a stop word (“red”). If I use the warning word, my partner knows s/he needs to back off a bit – s/he’s approaching my limits. If I use the stop word, s/he knows to disengage immediately, that my limit has been exceeded. Develop your own words and use them when appropriate (you’re welcome to use mine with the payment of the appropriate royalties, of course).
- The source of the interest and anything in your background that impacts why you’re interested in it. One woman who wrote to me had some issues in her background that affected how she felt about being slapped during sex. Some people will have even stronger issues (such as being slapped as a form of punishment during childhood, especially by a father figure), and it is important to understand that there may be connections from years gone by that might arise during this kind of play. It’s critical that you are emotionally prepared for being slapped – it will startle you and you need to ensure you don’t have a majorly negative reaction (or be prepared to control it if you do).
Slapping, like any impact play, has the potential for injury. And while for some that may be part of the allure, it is important that you’re aware of the right way to play with it so that you don’t experience any lasting repercussions from being hit. There are several safety issues that you need to be aware of with slapping the face:
- Avoid hitting sensitive spots on the face. This includes the ear (you could burst an eardrum), the eye socket (you could damage an eye, or detach a retina), the nose (you can break or bloody the nose), and the cheekbones (you could break a bone or damage nerves). Hitting too hard near the mouth could break teeth or bust a lip as well, and you also want to avoid the temple area.
- The partner on the receiving end needs to ensure their jaw is closed, since a well-placed smack to the lower jaw can dislocate it. If you have TMJ (temporo-mandibular joint) issues, you probably should not play with slapping, as this might exacerbate that problem. Ask your doctor before engaging in slap play if you have this problem (and record the conversation – I’d pay good money to hear that).
- You should generally avoid using a backhand slap until you work up to it. The knuckles can do a lot more damage than an open hand can.
- Be prepared to deal with bruising or a black eye. Even if you avoid those sensitive areas, it is possible that impacting the face might bruise a cheek, for example, so be prepared to render the appropriate after care. You’ll likely get questions from family and friends, so have some idea of how you’ll explain it if that happens.
To get started, agree on when how you want to integrate it into your sex play. The way I like to see people introduced to it is during oral sex or face fucking. The oral sex is interrupted with the guy pulling his cock out of his partner’s mouth, slapping her face, then penetrating her mouth again to continue the sex. This can be combined with dirty talk designed to further “degrade” the person being slapped. For example, one of my favorites is having a guy slap me and saying, “You’re doing it wrong, you fucking slut.”
When the cock is withdrawn, the mouth is likely to remain open. If you paid attention to the rules above, it needs to be closed. So it is perfectly acceptable to tell her to “close [her] fucking mouth” before the slap takes place. Modify to suit your own desires, of course.
You might also consider starting out with ass slapping/spanking, and working your way up the body, focusing especially the breasts. These two activities can make for interesting additions to your sex play as well, aside from anything done with the face. The skin on the back end is going to be a lot tougher than that of the boobs and the face, so adjust your strikes accordingly. Keep in mind that, for many women, the breast are especially sensitive, especially during certain times of the month.
During your initial foray into slapping (regardless of where they start), the smacks need to be done lightly – just small, light love taps if you will on the cheek to give her a sense of what it will feel like. If she’s okay with that, then try it again a few minutes later a little bit harder. Repeat the process until she’s tired of it or she reaches a limit. It may take you two or three cycles of this to find her limit. Don’t over do it on this first attempt – 30 minutes of being slapped isn’t good for anyone. One of the keys to the psychological impact of slapping is that it is used to surprise or refocus your partner, not beat them into submission.
I generally recommend that the opposite side of the slapee’s head be supported to keep the slapee from experiencing whiplash. An ideal way to do this is by grabbing the hair on the back, left hand side of her head (as you’re looking at her), and bracing her opposite cheek against your inner wrist. The combination of restraining her head with a handful of hair and her head being braced against the arm should suffice. The specifics can be reversed if you’re left-handed, obviously. This not only reduces the potential for whiplash, but also prevents her from withdrawing or moving her face so that you hit some place you don’t intend to, possibly resulting in damage as outlined above.
You want to slap such that the pads of the fingers on an open hand hit the soft, fleshy part of the cheek. NEVER hit someone in the face with a closed hand or a fist, and again, avoid all of the sensitive spots outlined in the first bullet under safety listed above. The little photo I’ve included here shows you the appropriate location on her cheeks to slap.
In order to make good contact with your hand on the cheek in that position, the head is going to have to be tilted back a good bit when the submissive is in a kneeling position, so keep that in mind. It’ll make getting the contact right a little more difficult than some other positions might.
As time progresses, and you get comfortable with being slapped while on your knees, you can experiment with slapping during missionary sex or other positions. And you can experiment with harder slaps, slaps in combination with breast or ass slaps, and other forms of slapping play. One of my favorites is for him to be fucking me sitting on his haunches, slapping me with every few thrusts as demonstrated in this photo of Hollie Stevens being smacked during one of her porn scenes.
That position (missionary) may actually be a better alternative for you as you’re first starting out – it’s much easier to strike the face from that position vs. when the sub is kneeling. I happen to prefer the kneeling, cock sucking position because sucking a dick (or being face fucked) is an inherently submissive act, and the slap helps reinforce that to a degree. This is definitely one of those “your mileage may vary” kinds of things – practice with it and see which works best for you.
Another potential use is slapping a partner during an orgasm. Being slapped while cumming is extremely intense and magnifies the pleasure of the orgasm by an order of magnitude (for me, at least). And, again, this is one of those situations where communication BEFORE the sex is important. And although it is possible to have a pre-arranged agreement that it is acceptable to slap during an orgasm, your partner needs to be attuned to your mood and be able to determine if a particular session of sex is the right time to apply a little force.
As you work your way through these initial exploratory steps, what you’re liable to find out is that light slapping does nothing for you, and may even irritate you to some extent. But once you get into the “serious” slapping, it brings about the kind of emotional release it’s designed to. That’s not always the case, and it will vary from person to person, but it is a possibility and something you need to be aware of.
Whatever you do, don’t go into this full tilt without discussing it and setting the play rules beforehand. And, perhaps most importantly, discuss all of the possibilities with your partner. That trust between the two of you is probably the most important thing that needs to be in place before one of you takes a hand to the face of the other.
And, finally, again, I can’t stress enough that this is something you have to be in the right mindset to try. If you believe that you have issues, present or past, that might rise to the surface when you’re playing with this, ensure that you discuss those with your partner prior to engaging in this sort of activity. Recognize that they may be strong enough so as to preclude you from being able to enjoy it. There’s nothing wrong with that, either, by the way. You’ll just have to accept it and find another way to embellish your sex play. 😉
Above all, be safe and do it correctly.