I write about a lot of different kinds of sexual activities. Some are fairly common these days (face fucking), while others aren’t so much (face slapping during sex). One of the more controversial subjects I’ve mentioned involves spitting on a partner during sex.
Spitting during sex squicks a lot of people out, understandably. In fact, spitting in general tends to gross most people out, and doing so during what’s supposed to be an intimate encounter, logically, would tend to put most people off as well. But as we know these days, there are very few boundaries many people won’t cross when they’ve both got all of those hormones coursing through their bodies mid-fuck.
With that as background, let’s talk about spitting on your partner during sex.
Historically, spitting on someone is one of the penultimate insults. You show incredible disdain or disrespect for anyone you spit on; you’re treating them as dirt or subhuman. And it’s almost universal. I’m not aware of any culture on the planet that views being spat on as a positive experience.
For most people, their first exposure to spit play comes from having seen it in porn. And while I get irritated at people using porn to supplant legitimate sex education, porn can and does fulfill a role as sexual fantasy fodder for many people. So it’s not uncommon for people to want to emulate something they’ve seen in a video they find interesting or erotic. And in my opinion, as long as both partners are willing to give it a shot, who cares how degrading or disgusting anyone else might think that is.
Like many other “degrading” acts you see in porn, you almost invariably see it manifested as men spitting on women. But from my conversations with various people about this, spitting appears to be a bit more egalitarian in nature than, say, slapping. One woman told me she and her boyfriend routinely spit on each other during aggressive fucking sessions. He gets just as much out of her spitting in his face as she does from him doing her when their sex play gets really hot and heavy. She added he finds it quite arousing to have her spit on his cock during oral sex. (Most of the article from this point forward is written using a male/female dynamic, but it could easily involve any gender combination).
Many people like to believe porn “invented” spitting in another person’s face during sex, but that’s hardly the case. Certainly it may not have been as well-known as it is today before porn, but there are historical anecdotes of people spitting on one another during intercourse (just as there was for ass-to-mouth oral sex, facials, slapping, rimming, and many other acts seen as “degrading” by various subsets of the population). This is not to say that the acts weren’t done specifically to degrade another person, however.
Be that as it may, more people are playing with a range of activities during their sex these days, to include spit. Much of it involves spitting on each other’s genitals, often in lieu of “real” lube. It’s hard to find a really good blow job scene in adult movies where the actress isn’t spitting on the guy’s cock at some point. And while saliva isn’t a terribly effective lubricant, it can suffice for the short haul; I know people who use saliva as a pre-lube for anal penetration, for example (I don’t recommend it unless you’re used to being anally penetrated). You’ll find a lot more people comfortable with you spitting on their naughty bits for a “reason” (lube) than spitting on their body or in their face, however. So going there usually requires a good bit of tact.
Bringing It Up
If spit play is something you’re interested in, you should evaluate your partner’s attitude toward spit to begin with. If they show a strong disdain every time someone spits on the sidewalk or you spit into the sink, you’re probably going to have a hard time getting him/her to try it during sex (though that’s not always the case). If your partner spits a lot, it might be less challenging than you’d think. You won’t know until you bring it up, that much is universally true.
There are a few different ways you can broach the subject.
- Have your partner spit on your genitals when s/he’s going down on you. Some people do this when they’re sucking cock or eating cunt anyway (largely because they’ve seen it done in porn, and it is a very effective way to moisten up the other person’s naughty bits for mouth play). See how receptive s/he is to spitting around your genitals and other parts of your body, moving up the body as comfort levels permit. If s/he can do that, ask to reverse the situation and you spit on your partner. You can also reverse this and spit on your partner’s genitals first.
- If you and your partner watch porn together, view some that involves spitting. The specific kind would depend on the kinds of sex you have now. If you’re into the misogynistic, degrading sex, watch some porn of that type. If you’re not, it’s important that you bring up something that leans less toward the misogynistic side (though, admittedly, it may be hard to do with porn involving spitting). If you’re already playing the “treat me like a whore” game in your sex play, you’re half way there. Once the scene is over, ask your partner what s/he thought of what transpired, get a sense of where they are on the subject, and progress from that point.
- Read an erotic story or article which includes references to spit play. As a part of discussing that story, have a discussion with your partner about boundaries and what you’re willing to try. That should include, of course, spit play.
I can’t begin to stress enough this generally isn’t something you want to try out of the clear blue. Like being slapped, being spit on will produce a visceral reaction in most people. Indeed, that’s half the fun of playing with it. But I can all but guarantee you randomly spitting in someone’s face will end a relationship, regardless of what form it takes at the time. If you happen to be engaged in a dynamic Dominant/submissive sex play relationship, you *might* be able to get away with spitting in your partner’s face without notice. I know some people who’ve been perfectly fine with it, but you really need to know and trust your partner to go there.
As a rule, I’d recommend you start by spitting on your partner’s genitals, and then working your way up his/her body, spitting on the tummy (or back), then chest (spitting on and slapping a woman’s tits can be a good substitute for doing it to the face for many people), and if they seem accepting up to this point, go for the face. Your first shot should be rather light, though. If that works out, then get a little more serious with it. Discuss it afterward to ensure both of you were comfortable with the act and decide whether or not it’s something you’d like to keep in your sexual repertoire.
Some people even enjoy spitting into one anothers’ mouths. It may sound gross, but it’s not much different than French kissing – you’re still exchanging spit. One is just done with a little more (apparent) love and intimacy than the other.
What’s the appeal of being spit on while you’re being fucked? As I’ve explained above, it’s the degradation inherent to the act; being “treated like a whore.” Sexual interplay is one of those activities where your basal instincts come out from hiding, especially when it involves aggressive or rough physical interaction, and being treated like a piece of meat just brings out the animal in many people when they’re fucking. It can be very exciting and erotic if both partners understand it’s just a sex game and confine it to sex play. The spitting adds another layer of subjugation or submission into the mix. Some people derive great strength from being submissive to another person, so even though they may not personally enjoy being spit on, they derive pleasure from allowing their partner to dominate them, or from being subjugated (one woman said “claimed”) by another person.
For the person doing the spitting, it is almost always experienced as an act of dominance. It’s not unlike pissing on a partner or other expression of dominance. And some people are perfectly willing to allow you to go there without explicitly asking them. You have to understand how the person you’re with is functioning and if their mental state is such that they’re going to react appropriately to being spat on.
Perhaps the ultimate expression of dominance is a combination of slapping and spitting on your partner’s face. Combining the two sends an unmistakable message that you are more powerful than they are and they’re being forced to comply with your wishes. You’re telling them you own them, if perhaps only temporarily. So in order for this to “work” like it should, you have to do it with force, disdain, and malice. You have to treat it as “real” in order for it to have its maximum impact for both the spitter and the person being spat on. That’s hard for some people to do, especially with someone you’re in an intimate relationship with.
That’s pretty much it; there’s nothing overly complicated about it. Once you’ve gotten to the point where the two of you are willing to give it a shot, the physical spitting on someone isn’t that hard. The difficult part is conveying the right attitude when doing it – that’s the part that gets tough. Unless you are really that dominant, and if that’s the case, please come see me soon.
Finally, here’s a quick tip. If you want to be able to get a good wad to spit on someone, stay hydrated while you’re fucking. People breathe rapidly and heavily when they’re having sex, many of the body’s physiological processes speed up, and your salivary glands tend to slow their production of saliva when other parts of your body are, shall we say, more heavily engaged (or when you’re nervous or excited, which might be the case when you engage in spit play for the first time or with a new partner). As a result, your oral cavity can become dry. Keeping a sufficient supply of water around, and staying hydrated while engaged in the sex will allow you to gather up enough spit in your mouth to make your play more, uh, effective. If you’re dehydrated, you’ll end up with a weak spray pattern, and that would totally ruin my mood.