The facial is perhaps one of the most hotly debated concepts in sexuality today. People either believe them to be inherently degrading, or incredibly hot. They either love them, or they hate them. Few people hold positions that deviate significantly from either end of that dichotomy.

facial3a The origin of the facial for most people is porn, of course, just as has been the case throughout history with almost every other deviation from the basic penis-in-vagina/ass sex (who did ass-to-mouth before porn?). Before the facial, the guy would pull out and cum on the actress’ pussy, ass, back, tits, stomach, feet. At some point, a director decided that it’d be a good idea to have the guy cum on the woman’s face. Or maybe it was one of those accidental things, and it just looked so hot that other producers elected to replicate it. Nowadays, of course, it is next to impossible to find a porn sequence involving a cock that doesn’t end with a facial.

So, like good users of any quasi-educational medium, many people began to get curious about facials and thought it might be cool to give it a shot, so to speak. Girls wanted to know what it felt like, and guys wanted to see what it felt/looked like. Though I am positive the vast majority of the first times were done at the behest of the guys, I do know some women who were the instigators. And, just like with any other sex act, some enjoyed it, others…not so much.

But are they degrading? Are they disrespectful? Is the facial inherently an act of domination? Does the opinion of the one on the receiving end matter? (That last question is purely rhetorical because, as we know, it is the only one other than the opposite partner that matters).

A few years ago, the overwhelming majority of people would have argued that the facial was one of the most intensely degrading acts possible – it represents a guy depositing his “waste” on her face, or “marking” her face, the most personal feature a person has. Today, though, with the facial’s ubiquity in porn and the resulting mainstreaming of both the term and the act, you often find that many people will now just as vehemently argue that it isn’t inherently degrading.

Quite honestly, I had no real opinion on the subject until recently, when I experienced my first facial. I’d been with Nikki (my former girlfriend) for a couple of years, and although we had an open relationship, we’d not been playing with guys. So I had not been in a position to even ask for a facial to see what it was like. Like many others, though, I’d seen it in porn many times and wondered what it’d be like to get one (and, let’s be honest here, even those of you who think it is gross still wonder what it would be like).

As happenstance would have it, the subject came up during a lunch that Nikki and I shared with four other women we know one afternoon. After listening to the conversation among the group of women we hung out with, and how they enjoyed them (to a person), my latent curiosity piqued to the point where I was moved to find a random guy to give me one. And then guys started offering to pay me to let them do it. So I let them. And I enjoyed it. And profited from it! Heh.

Now, from my own personal perspective, I find receiving a facial to be an intensely erotic experience. Not just from having cum splattered all over me, but from the totality of what takes place in those few moments leading up to it. If you’ve been on the receiving end of one, you know what it is like to be just inches away from that cock, with its huge presence looming before you, watching your guy jerk himself off (which I find highly erotic in and of itself), and knowing that he is getting himself off looking at you, your face, begging him, knowing that you’re allowing him to ejaculate onto that which is most personally your space. If that does it for him, then I’ve fulfilled my half of the sexual fantasy as I see it. And quite frankly I enjoy being the little slut who’ll allow a guy to cum on my face. It gets me wet, and I derive pleasure from it. I can’t pinpoint what it is about it that causes me to be that way…well, wait, maybe I can. Maybe I just find it a “dirty” act, and I get off on being a dirty girl.

And though I know it sounds weird, I *love* the feeling of cum hitting my face – the warm sensation, followed immediately by a quick cooling off of the semen. Sure, there’s a mess, but very little in any serious sexual encounter isn’t messy. And in my opinion, if you base your approved list of sexual activities on what does or does not cause a mess, I’d suggest you have an extremely limited sexual repertoire. Even penis-in-vagina sex produces a bit of a mess, especially if you’re not using a condom. Using the fact that it is “messy” as an excuse is purely a cop out, in my opinion.

What does a guy get out of it, when he could just as easily cum in your mouth, perhaps, and end up with you swallowing it? Isn’t that one of those “ultimate fantasies” that guys have always asked for, and why would he do something other than that? I do know there are people (of all genders) who believe that cumming on someone’s face is a waste of perfectly good semen. If not spent into a vagina, it should be going down someone’s throat. Once again, I find myself at a loss to identify any logic behind that mindset, but to each his own.

I think one thing that makes the facial so appealing to many guys is a combination of seeing my face, which is the embodiment of me in his mind, and seeing that “final result,” the cum, splattered all over that. When you add that to the “slut” aura that the facial has (only porn sluts do this, right?), the arousal factor is quite high. If I actually enjoy it, and convey that to him, then the arousal factor is increased that much more.

Now, clearly, there are some elements of dominance in the act. But dominance, in and of itself, is neither bad nor degrading. There’s nothing wrong with a dominant/submissive dichotomy during sex. In fact, generally speaking, the preferred end result in a sexual encounter is often the direct result of a dominant/submissive interplay (first in one direction, then in the other, typically).

A writer named Xorn Smith posted a polemic on Boinkology comparing facials and butt sex.

On the other hand, facials require…jerking off and a target. Even the physicality of the two actions speaks volumes: with facials the partners disjoin and physically separate for the climax while with anal you’re about as intimately conjoined as you can get.

Such a statement reflects a truly one-dimensional understanding of the nature of sex. Intimacy assumes many shapes, not just one defined by physical proximity. As I pointed out on Sex Hobbyist’s blog: [Ed. Note: This blog doesn’t exist any longer]

The problem I have with that statement is that it presumes a physical connection is required in order for the act to be “intimate” (which, presumably, the author substitutes for “valid”), when nothing could be further from the truth. The intimate spirituality between the partners is just as much a (valid) measure of intimacy as any physical connectivity, perhaps more so. So, I’d make the argument that a facial can be just as “intimate” as anal sex.

In my opinion, cumming on someone’s face is perhaps one of the most intimate things you can do. As I said before, the face is an intensely personal space. Cumming in someone’s mouth, pussy, ass, etc., moves the cum away from the face, and therefore there’s less of a direct emotional attachment to the end product of the sex. If he cums in her mouth, it is either spit out or swallowed (unless she’s one who likes to play with it for his/her entertainment, or perhaps snowball him), and therefore any attachment is fleeting, if even acknowledged. When you have cum on your face, it’s right there. It takes a huge amount of trust and confidence to allow a guy to ejaculate on your face as I see it.

So it is intimate, arousing, erotic, raunchy, slutty, AND messy. What more could you ask for in a sex act? 😆

Is the facial degrading? Despite what I know many of the radfems would tell us, it can’t possibly be negatively degrading if both people involved are participating willingly. I say “negatively” because some people enjoy (positive) degradation/humiliation play and therefore get off on being “degraded” as a part of the sex play, and facials can play into that if you allow it to. You can decide it is degrading for you, absolutely. And if you feel that way, then obviously you shouldn’t do it (or allow it to be done to you). Common sense, no?

But you don’t have permission to decide whether it is or isn’t anything for me or anyone else, let alone degrading. I would certainly argue that, at its worst, it is no more degrading than him cumming in my mouth and expecting me to swallow it (though I know many feminists would argue that that, too, is inherently degrading). If you construct an argument that when he cums in my pussy it isn’t degrading because we’ve both willingly participated in it (or is it because that is “normal” sex?), then you cannot rationally construct the opposite argument for any other sex act in which we’re both willing and consensual participants. Attempting to do so defies common sense (though that hardly deters plenty of people from trying).

To this day, I still can’t get my mind around the concept that someone believes that they can define something I willingly participate in as degrading to me. ❓

I’ve had hookups ask if they could give me a facial, and I’ve always said yes (assuming they’ve been good fucks to that point). I know that a great many guys see this stuff in porn, and I likewise know that their partners either won’t allow themselves to be facialized, or the guy is just too scared to ask her for it. Either way, part of my role as a slut is to help fulfill some of their fantasies, and if I can do that by allowing them to cum on my face, then that’s what I’ll do. The fact that I enjoy the act just adds icing to the cupcake.


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One Response to Facials

  1. Wayne says:

    It is so refreshing to read your articles. You can talk about a subject that is so polarizing as this and still come out looking highly intelligent.

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