One of my readers wrote me a rather lengthy piece about him and his girlfriend and their lack of butt play during their sex sessions. It seems that even with as long as they’ve been together, there’s been a sort of tacit agreement between the two of them whereby they just avoided the back door altogether. On a recent trip out of town, though, things got hot and heavy and he allowed his tongue to go places it had never been before.
I don’t know what came over me but I was so charged and given the freedom to explore I grabbed her by the hips, I flipped her over on to her knees and had her lower her chest onto the bed and put my tongue straight to work on pleasuring her asshole.
What followed was not the greatest sex we’ve ever had but certainly by far it was the hottest sex that we have ever had. I think I spent about 15 minutes with my tongue working her seat meat and the entire time she didn’t stop moaning and saying the most delicious things to me about what was going on and her body was shouting louder then her moans were about the enjoyment it was receiving. I actually had to take a second to compose myself to ensure I didn’t cum just from giving this to her.
Those hormones that start flowing while you’re fucking have a way of making you do things you didn’t think you’d do, don’t they?
I’ve mentioned before about a woman I know who detested the thought of taking a cock out of her ass and putting it in her mouth (ATM), but when she was fucking a guy she’d been fawning over (her gynecologist, as it turns out) and they finally got around to fucking, she did exactly that. All of those sexual chemicals flowing through the body have a way of reducing inhibitions sometimes and allowing the situation to get the best of you.
The reader’s situation here isn’t much different. But he wants to know why the ass has such a huge draw for some people.
But I don’t understand what makes it so hot, what makes the allure of the anus so incredible and stimulating when it isn’t really a sexual organ like a penis or a pussy is. You yourself are known for being a very big advocate for anal play and open sexual expressiveness. I was curious for how what view you had on the power of the allure of anal? What makes it so hot?
Well, actually, the anus actually IS a sexual organ for some people, “some” being defined by that subset of people who choose to use it as a sexual organ.
Sexual organs are not the same thing as reproductive organs, and that’s where the confusion lies. Reproductive organs are determined by biology, whereas sexual organs are defined largely by society, culture, and you as an individual (in concert with your partner(s) of course).
A perfect, non-anal example of this can be found here in America: Female breasts. Boobs. Titties!
Here, female breasts are almost universally seen as “sexual organs” by the more prudish in our midst, and it is illegal to have them uncovered and on display just about anywhere other than a beach (and even on many beaches they have to remain covered). Remember the idiotic shitstorm that occurred when Janet Jackson’s nipple was exposed for a fraction of a second on national TV a few years ago during the Superbowl half time show? People in Europe rightfully made fun of the prudish American society for making such a big deal out of a few nanoseconds of exposed tit.
Do you get aroused when you see female boobs? Have you ever fucked your girlfriend’s boobs? For the vast majority of the males in this country, the answer to both is in the affirmative on both. So, yeah, sexual. The same is true for the anus in many cases.
For some people, of course, the butthole is just dirty and carries no erotic connotations whatsoever; it can’t be separated from its association with feces and defecation. For still others, well, it may seem that way initially, but they grow to embrace the hole! Yes, indeed.
Earlier in your ((referring to the e-mail writer now)) e-mail you’d mentioned that you don’t watch much porn because “…75% of it is anal.” Tellingly, you didn’t once mention anything about having an aversion to going there, though you called anal play “taboo” a couple of times. Over the course of your e-mail you’ve actually answered your own question to a large degree, but I’ll see if I can help you out with it a bit.
First, sexual organs are any organs used during sex or that bring about an arousal in you. That includes the asshole for many people. Don’t confuse them with reproductive organs, which the anus most definitely isn’t. The brain is a sexual organ, too, by the way. 😉
Second, anal play for many people is, as you so eloquently put it, taboo. We’re taught from a very young age that our back door is dirty, unclean, unsanitary – anything that comes out of there is contaminated. As human beings, anything that seems foreign, off limits, or taboo to us generates a heightened interest. Remember when you were told not to do something as a child without any explanation? Did that not immediately raise your level of consciousness about it? The same thing is true for the butthole to a large extent. A significant majority of people grow through childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood with this secret knowledge that butt play feels really good, but refuse to admit it to themselves until they mature a bit. What a shame.
Third, you’ve seen butt fucking in porn, and even though you may not watched a lot of it, what you’ve seen has still cemented in your mind an association of anal penetration and pleasure (even if you’re unable to articulate a specific connection). If you were raised to believe the asshole was “dirty,” this may have prevented you from wanting to dive right in initially, but sexual arousal is a very powerful force in nature as you’ve just experienced, powerful enough to overcome inhibitions and other barriers to taking action (This is why telling young people to just not have sex is so incredibly ineffective, by the way. Once sexual arousal sets in, it’s often hard to not do some things, especially if you haven’t learned to manage those feelings!).
Fourth, the anus is loaded with nerve endings that are very sensitive. It feels good when it is touched the right way, when you defecate (admit it!), when you squeeze it, etc. Once you touch it and start playing with it, experiencing how good it can feel if you allow your mental barriers to that enjoyment to be overcome, you can easily become addicted to having those feelings in play during sex, especially if your first experiences with it are quite good.
And finally, the musculature of the anus itself is directly connected with the muscles that provide much of the physical sexual reactions in your lower body, everything from the initial physical arousal to the contractions you feel during an orgasm. So playing with the asshole itself during an orgasm tends to intensify the orgasm for a great many folks.
In my piece about learning how to do your first anal, I specifically make note that you have to be in the mindset that you’re going to enjoy being fucked in the ass in order to fully enjoy anal sex. Of course, no one can really get into that mindset until they’ve had the experience, but that is my way of coercing someone into dropping those culturally-induced mental barriers just enough to get them to start touching and playing with their assholes to see that it does indeed feel quite arousing.
So, with perhaps some additional tangential influences that might affect one individual or another, all of that adds up to form much of the basis for that allure you refer to.
Rimming is even harder for many people to try than actual penile/toy penetration. A large part of that is due to the fear many people have about “tasting shit.” Once you’ve stuck your tongue in a clean asshole, though, and find out there’s no nasty taste to it, it’s easy to get really addicted to tongue-fucking someone else’s ass (again, due in large part to that “dirty” or taboo association with it). Every person who’s got their tongue rooting around in someone else’s butthole is thinking in the back of their head that what they’re doing is “dirty,” “bad,” or “slutty” and that can be quite arousing for some folks. So much the better if your partner really gets aroused by it.
It always tickles me when I go down on a woman’s ass the first time when she isn’t expecting it. There’s always that initial pulling away, followed by me explaining that I know what I’m doing and convincing her to just relax a bit and go with the flow; enjoy the feeling. Within a few minutes, she’s invariably (and I do mean invariably) pushing back against my tongue as it goes deeper and deeper, teasing the little hole. Some even reach back and start masturbating. In many cases, I’m able to convince them to reciprocate. It just takes reaching a comfort level with it, whether that is brought about through one person’s convincing another to give it a shot, or your sexual arousal peaking at a point where you’re mentally prepared to try something you’ve been reluctant to up to that point in time, especially in the absence of any pressure by a partner.
At any rate, so long as you and your partner(s) are comfortable with it, there’s literally nothing wrong with anal play, so long as you do it safely. It can be a normal, healthy part of sexual exploration and mutual enjoyment. Some people take a bit longer than others to get there, but with the right set of circumstances, the allure is often just too great to ignore, no? 😉