You often hear about anal sex in terms of men sodomizing women or each other. But there’s another aspect of it as well, one that you don’t hear about too often, nor do you see much of it in porn (with the occasional exception of porn produced specifically for that purpose). I’m talking about a female fucking a man in the ass with a strap-on dick. We’ve come to know this activity by the moniker pegging. And despite its relative dearth in porn and the lack of any serious mentions in even the most robust of sex education material, it is a very common fantasy for both men and women.
What is Pegging?
Basically, pegging is fucking a guy in the ass with a strap-on cock. Though women can fuck other women with a strap-on, the term is not generally used in that construct. The term originated from a column written by Dan Savage back in the early 2000s. He lamented the fact that the act of a woman fucking a man anally with a dildo had no name, and the term “pegging” was born from the discussions that ensued.
Doesn’t Being Pegged Make a Man Gay/Isn’t a Man Who’s Interested in this Really Gay?
If you are a person who seriously asks this question, I have to ask if you even understand the concept of what gay means. Please avail yourself of a dictionary and look up the term “gay” as it relates to sexuality. See if you can figure out what the fuck you’re doing wrong with this question (Hint: Consider the gender of the people involved).
What’s the Point?
There are a variety of reasons why couples enjoy this kind of thing (the same can be said of most sexual activities, don’t you think?). For some, pegging is merely an exchange of anal sex; a “what’s good for the goose, is good for the gander” sort of thing, if you will. It’s not unheard of for a woman to agree to being sodomized by her guy if he agrees to allow her to fuck him in the butt, too. This “sharing” of the experience can often be quite sensual, and has the added benefit of engendering a great deal of trust between the two people involved.
For some, this activity allows the couple to explore certain aspects of their sexuality beyond what “standard” sex can often accomplish. Many couples enjoy the power exchange that occurs with the role reversal. It is often seen as a “dominant” act for a man to sodomize a woman (and truth be told, that’s much of the fun of being fucked in the ass in my opinion). Allowing the woman to take the reigns and fuck her man lets her assume the role of the dominant and “take charge” of the action. This is an excellent way for a man to explore his submissive side, too.
And though the mutual benefits of the experience are important, it’s also critical to understand what the individuals will get from it.
What does the guy get out of being pegged?
Oh, gosh, where to start. Many men enjoy anal stimulation. As I mention in my article on the allure of anal sex, the anus is rich in nerve endings and is highly receptive to manual stimulation. This applies to men just as much as it does to women. Sadly, a lot of men eschew butt play because of the supposed “stigma” associated with anal play and being gay. Those who “go there” are often richly rewarded with (more) intense orgasms and a much broader understanding of their own sexuality.
Men also have one other huge advantage when it comes to anal penetration. It’s known as the prostate gland (you’ll sometimes see/hear it referred to as the man’s G-Spot, or as the A-spot). Stimulation of the prostate provides a great deal of pleasure for many guys. Once the woman learns how to use and move with the strap-on while its dildo is in her man’s ass, she can angle it so that prostate stimulation is maximized. This has the effect of adding a great deal of power to the man’s orgasm. In fact, many men can come from being anally fucked without even having to touch themselves.
What does the woman get out of pegging?
There are a couple of things a woman can get from pegging. First and foremost is the satisfaction of giving her guy the physical pleasure of being fucked in the ass. As I stated above, anal stimulation is pleasurable for both men and women. If you’re a woman who enjoys being sodomized, then you know how good it can feel, and giving someone else sexual pleasure is often sufficient justification in and of itself when it comes to some sexual activities.
Many also enjoy the feeling of the power shift that takes place when a woman is fucking a man. Usually the guy is the one who’s the “aggressor” when it comes to phallic penetration of the woman, but this allows her to turn the tables on him, so to speak. And, if you select the right kind of strap-on (or combine the use of the strap-on with some sort of vibrator), it is possible for the woman to receive some clitoral and/or vaginal stimulation as well.
I have occasionally seen women ask questions about what they’re “supposed to get out of it,” especially if they derive no physical pleasure from the act itself. My simple answer to that is you get the satisfaction of having given your man a good time. Sex doesn’t have to always be a tit for tat activity – sometimes we just do things to please a partner that we might not get any pleasure from ourselves. That’s part of being a sexual partner to one another.
Bringing the Subject Up
Many men are very interested in this kind of sex play, but are afraid to bring it up. This is understandable given our society’s seeming predilection toward seeing male butt play as something gay men do. Guys often won’t bring it up at all for fear of turning off the girl or for fear that she’ll go all judgmental on his ass and dump him for having weird fantasies (if sexual compatibility with you is important, then this might represent a red flag). The key is to ease her into it.
If this is a new subject for your girlfriend (wife, etc.), then you probably don’t want to come out of the clear blue with, “Hey, I want you to fuck me in the ass.” My advice would be to get her involved in playing with your butt (licking, sticking fingers in it, inserting butt plugs, etc.) before you bring up the subject of pegging. She needs to realize and understand how much you enjoy having your ass played with, and needs to be comfortable actually playing with your asshole. Once she’s gotten to that point, then you might consider taking the next step. Doing it this way allows her to see that playing with your ass does not mean you’re “gay” or what you’re wanting some guy to fuck you there (which is where a lot of women go mentally if you just bring up the subject of pegging without any precursors, I’m sad to say).
You’ll want to introduce the concept slowly. Ask her if she knows what pegging is, and if she doesn’t (she almost assuredly won’t), educate her about it. Perhaps show her some porn that involves a woman doing a man in the ass with a strap-on. I’d encourage you to find some good amateur porn where this is happening. Amateur porn reinforces the notion that this is something “normal” people do and it’s not just porn stars being paid to do it (THIS hot couple is one of my personal favorites, though the harness she’s using isn’t all that good). If she has some hint of “switchiness” in her (a desire to turn the tables during sex and be in control every now and then vs. you being in control all the time), explain to her that this is an excellent way to make that happen.
If you get lucky and she agrees to give it a shot, then your next step is to pick out a strap-on (see below), learn to how to prepare for for being sodomized the first time, and then give it a shot. Hopefully, you guys will both enjoy it and it will be something you can add to your sexual repertoire.
Let me add one caution to this, however. I have seen women complain on various forums about their men wanting this all the time or almost exclusively after they’ve tried it that first time. I know it feels good for you, but if you get to the point where this is all you want from your girl, you’re probably going to encounter some relationship issues. Don’t get into a rut and make this the only way you can get off; it’s fine as an adjunct to your other sex play, but don’t let it supplant it.
If you’re a woman and you’re wanting to try this with your man, you may have an obstacle to overcome. That will be his fear that doing something like this means he’s “gay” or bisexual. Unfortunately the narrow-minded in our society tend to construct male sexuality such that anything involving the butt or ass HAS to be gay. So you’ll need to keep this in mind if it’s something you want to explore. Having said all that, pegging a guy is a very common fantasy for women, especially those who want to try being in control for a bit, or those who absolutely adore their guy’s ass and like playing with it. If this is you, you’re in good company.
The way to bring this subject up with a guy is not vastly different than I explain above. You need a guy who’s comfortable with you playing with his asshole to begin with. If he’s not already there, you’ll want to start out by slowly introducing him to butt play. This can begin by you running your finger into the crack of his ass as you’re sucking his cock. As he gets used to that feeling, you can occasionally stop and linger at his asshole for a few moments – perhaps make some circling motions there at the back door. If you suck and lick his balls, work your way down his taint toward his back door. If you can do this right after taking a shower with him, you might take it further and begin rimming him. Be sure he knows how turned on you are by his ass AND by how he’s willing to let you “go there” playing with his butt. As he becomes more and more warm and fuzzy with the idea of you being back there, you may progress to him actively encouraging you to go there, perhaps even to the point of beginning some play with small dildos, butt plugs, and so forth.
Hopefully, he’ll get comfortable enough with you being back there playing with his ass that you’ll feel that taking the next step is the right thing to do. At that point, I’d suggest you do the same as I outlined for the guys above – educate him about the subject of pegging and use some amateur porn to demonstrate the techniques (find any major porn video site and search for “amateur pegging”). Hopefully, he’ll be amenable to it and you guys can get busy picking out the harness, learning how to prepare for his first time, and get down to business.
Picking out the Right Strap-On
Once you’ve made the decision to give it a shot, the next item of business is to find the right tool. Picking out the right strap-on harness for the female to wear is probably the most important part of getting ready to try this the first time. There’s nothing worse than a harness that either won’t stay up or secured, or won’t hold the dildo like it should. If you have equipment that doesn’t work correctly, it may make the experience awkward and unsexy, and the two of you may decide not to try it again. That would be a shame.
I will be writing a much longer piece on how to go about selecting a harness in the not too distant future, not only for those who’re wanting to do their boyfriends in the ass, but for the gay girls who wish to do each other as well. In the meantime, let me point you to a couple of online pieces already up that will shed some light on this for you. The first is at EdenFantasys, and the second is at Holistic Wisdom. There is also a decent video about the basics of selecting strap-ons that can be found on YouTube HERE.
If you have a sex toy shop near you, I *highly* recommend that you go there and have a look at their strap-ons and see if you can find one that suits you. In most stores, you’ll be able to try them on, and if you’re lucky enough to have one of the larger toy stores, there’ll be a wide selection of accessories (read: dildos & fake dicks) to accompany them. There are usually store employees on hand with some pretty extensive practical experience using strap-ons, too.
Many couples like to try a toy known as the Feeldoe, which is designed with a bulb that fits into the woman’s vagina and has a cock-shaped dildo protruding from it. it’s designed to provide some pleasure to the woman while she’s fucking her man (or woman). This toy is pretty awesome, though some women express dissatisfaction at how it works for them. It’s definitely worth trying if you have the money to spend on it. If it works, then you have a new toy to play with. if it doesn’t, then you haven’t wasted too much money and are better off for having had the experience.
How to prepare for the first time
The most important aspect of getting ready for that first time being pegged is going to be preparing your ass to be fucked. Rather than rehash all of that information, I’ll just quickly point you to a previous article I wrote entitled, How To Prepare For Your First Anal Sex. The woman needs to read that article as well, especially if she’s not had a lot of experience being sodomized herself. It’s important to work up to taking a cock/cocklike object into your ass. If you don’t do it correctly, you might injure yourself, or at least make it a less than wonderful experience. The article also includes instructions on getting that cock into his ass the first time, in addition to important safer sex options.
The other important thing to practice doing is putting on the strap-on and its related equipment and learning to thrust your hips like you were a guy. This is not a typical movement for a woman so it might take a few rounds of practice to get things down. Though you’ll want to start out slowly, the guy is going to get the best experience when you learn to fuck his ass like you mean it. If you’re like me, having someone power fuck your shithole is intensely orgasm-producing. Most guys will enjoy that as well once they get used to the feeling of being penetrated (at least, that’s been my experience).
To begin with, though, you’ll want to start out gradually. Push the head in, let his asshole relax and get used to the feeling of being invaded, and then start slowly thrusting your hips. Go slowly to begin with, and gradually push that cock deeper into his butt with each successive thrust. If you don’t have one that’s too long, you will eventually be able to bottom out and get that thing as deep into his rectum as it’ll go. Once you get there, let it set for a few seconds for him to acclimate, then start thrusting slowly again, pulling almost all the way out, then pushing all the way back in. Once he gets used to this, you can start thrusting faster and harder (let him tell you when it gets to be too much), and should eventually get to the point where you can rail his ass like you own it. For your initial butt play, I would suggest sticking with a dildo that’s no longer than 6-7″. Too much longer and you get into territory where you can damage the colon if you’re inexperienced.
I always recommend you start off in the doggy position, with either the woman on her knees on the bed/floor behind him, or with with on the edge of the bed and her standing behind him on the floor. Once you get the hang of things, of course, you can move to trying other positions, to include reverse cowboy (which allows for very deep penetration). Finding a good angle to thrust so that you hit his prostate gland is hitting pay dirt (he’ll let you know when this happens, trust me).
Another favorite position has the guy lying on his back on the edge of bed, legs raised or his knees pulled back up to his chest, and the woman fucking him while standing on the floor next to the bed. This has the added benefit of allowing her to jerk him off while she’s fucking him. I’ve had guys shoot a load of cum over their heads from the powerful orgasms they get doing it this way.
For More Information/Advanced Techniques
For more information on this subject, I highly recommend Tristan Taormino’s DVD, Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men. She devotes some time to the subject of pegging. She also has a DVD specific to the subject of pegging, Tristan’s Guide to Pegging for Couples. Either/Both of the these will help shed some light on this subject for you.
Hopefully, the both of you will be open-minded and will spend some time learning how to do this the right way. This is one of those activities that not only adds to your sexual repertoire, but does so in a way that has some interesting psychological aspects to it in addition to just feeling good. That combination makes for a powerful sexual experience and is well worth the time you invest in trying it out.